Despite its many rewards, caregiving is one of the most challenging roles you can have in life. Add the most stressful time of the year — and Covid 19 — to the mix and it can become downright miserable.
For a significant number of Canadians, the holiday season is a source of anxiety, depression and loneliness. Consequences, it’s important to note, that are also common to caregiving in general.
Use the following tips for caregivers during the holidays to ensure that you, your elderly loved one and the rest of your family get the most out of the season without additional stress.
Lower Your Expectations
One factor that can make the holiday season more stressful — whether you are a caregiver or not — is high expectations. Whether it’s expecting the “just right” present, a magazine-ready Christmas tree, or an idyllic Christmas, high hopes can undermine your efforts and steal your seasonal joy.
Accept that things do not have to be “perfect.” Expect that if your family faces challenges during the year, those challenges are still likely to be there during the season. Err on the side of being realistic rather than idealistic.
When it comes to your elderly loved one, let them contribute in the manner that they choose to or respect their choice to not participate in the preparations at all. Remember that their abilities might be compromised by physical or mental illness and that adjustments need to be made.
Pace Yourself
Don’t wait until the last minute to get started. A longer planning period means you can carry out tasks — such as shopping — over a few days to help lessen the stress.
You will also have extra time to make plans with or for your care recipient. For instance, arranging transportation or shopping for foods based on their dietary needs.
You can also space out making adjustments for your loved one’s safety if they are visiting. For instance, you can install handlebars in a guest bathroom, fix tripping hazards, or check to make sure the snow blower is working well in advance.
Make Self-Care a Priority
Caregivers notoriously do not prioritize self-care, particularly because they are so focused on the needs of their care recipient. Now, in the whirlwind of activities during the Christmas holidays, you’re even more at risk of not taking care of yourself.
If you often find self-care elusive as a caregiver, it’s time to be tough with yourself. Book time — literally schedule it into your diary or phone app — to exercise at least 30 minutes five days a week. Schedule additional time to meditate or to do your favorite destressing hobby, such as reading, video games, or listening to music.
If you already have a self-care routine, commit to sticking to it during the festive season. The only exception should be if an emergency occurs, such as having to take your loved one to the hospital.
Serve Plenty of Nutritious Options
Yes, the holiday season is that one time of year when many of us give ourselves permission to eat whatever we want. But there are a few things to consider.
Once you break your healthy eating habit, it can be very difficult to just get back into the saddle. Also, caregiving during the holidays can be doubly stressful.
Foods such as refined carbohydrates, unhealthy fats, caffeine and alcohol all worsen stress. They boost cortisol levels, which in turn can stimulate your appetite for more of those unhealthy foods.
Add more nutritious options to your festive table. They include fruits, vegetables — especially greens and cruciferous veggies — whole grains, lean meats, and fatty fish such as salmon and trout. Also, provide lots of filtered water and juices that are either freshly squeezed or made from pulp. Dehydration can actually be worse for elderly people in winter.
Plan a Tech Check
If you are a long-distance caregiver or are expecting bad weather during the holidays, you still want to connect with your loved one. Virtual celebrations allow you to do that and to let your loved one feel included and valued.
Make sure all necessary devices are working and ready to go. If your loved one doesn’t know how to use a service like Google Meet or Zoom, schedule a time well in advance of your celebrations to educate them. You can all be together when unwrapping gifts, eating your festive meal, or for a family sing-along or movie time.
Be Flexible
Caregiving can be unpredictable — and the holiday season doesn’t change that. While it’s very helpful and destressing to make plans and work towards them, foster a mindset of flexibility.
Truly accept that a situation might arise that will alter your plans. For instance, your elderly loved one — or even you — might not feel well enough to join the celebrations. There might be a power outage. A simmering sibling conflict about how to care for your loved one might surface and spoil the occasion.
Avoid being stubborn about anything. Instead, in the moment, practice relaxation, letting go, and acceptance. Being flexible about any and everything will also help you to focus on solutions and alternative approaches.
On the other hand, stubbornness shuts down problem-solving and the desire to find solutions that most people — if not everyone — will find acceptable.
Delegate, Delegate, Delegate
One of the most effective strategies as a caregiver is to ask for help and allow others to pitch in. This is even more essential during the holidays. There are more responsibilities and activities and several of them need to be done by a deadline.
Consider if everyone who will be involved in the celebrations has an activity they can do. Even small children can help with tasks such as putting away toys, putting their laundry together, decorating a Christmas tree, or feeding pets.
Ask Yourself “Is It Necessary?
Christmas is the season of “going all out.” We want to make it as special as possible for everyone involved. However, you might have taken on more than you can handle, considering your extra caregiving duties.
When looking at each of your to-dos on your list, ask yourself, “Is it necessary?” The key word there is “necessary,” not desirable. If it isn’t and you’re pressed for time, exhausted, or stressed out, cross it off your list.
Also, in some cases, a task might be duplicating what someone else is doing. For instance, if your elderly loved one is still making their traditional dessert to contribute, there’s no need to make another. If a family member is shopping for your elderly loved one, ask if you can contribute and give a joint gift.
Keep watch for these opportunities to do less while still making the holidays special. After all, if anyone deserves to have a very special holiday season and a fresh, hopeful outlook for the new year, it’s a caregiver.
